So - remember how we're getting married before the wedding? Well, I'm feeling really defeated over it.
We finally got final confirmation from the church and pastor on Monday and we're getting married IN TWO DAYS!! Saturday at 11am I will legally be a Mrs.!
I had already discussed this with my parents a few weeks ago - my mom had brought it up so we discussed it while Nick and I were still weighing the pros and cons. But Nick hadn't told his family yet - so once we got final confirmation, he told his parents. They were 100% supportive and understanding and loving and we were so relieved because we were a bit concerned that they might react harshly. WHEW!
But then all hell broke loose.
Nick's mother chose to go ahead and tell Nick's older sister that very night. We were planning on telling them - just on our own terms and straight from the source. She freaked out and immediately disowned him as a brother and said she would not be a bridesmaid in the May wedding any longer. She has yet to answer a call from Nick or I or respond to anything we've done to reach out to her. Apparently (through what his mother has said that his sister has said), she feels really hurt that she's not special enough to be there at the actual wedding and thinks that the wedding in May is just fake.
Awesome. clearly we're getting our point across here. /sarcasm.
So then Nick calls his brother (who found out from his sister) in order to make sure he's on board and not gone off the deep end like his sister. No such luck. He says that he "understands" and "supports our marriage" but doesn't agree with having two weddings and is upset that he can't be there on the most important day in Nick's life.
Double awesome.
Luckily, his parents aren't being swayed and they still completely understand and 100% back us up and support us. However, apparently they can't reign in their adult children and help them GET IT.
It's UNBELIEVABLE to me that these two people over the age of 30 can't think outside the box a little and show some compassion and understanding and comprehend why we've made this adult decision which is the best decision for us. We never intended to offend anyone - in fact quite the opposite - we decided to tell them instead of running off and we want to keep the May wedding in order to still have a big special day that we can involve everyone in and have a public committment ceremony and celebration. We aren't doing this to spite them - we're doing it because it's the right thing for us right now. CALL ME CRAZY IF YOU WANT!
I just feel like they're both being completely selfish in the fact that poor them - they don't get to be there this Saturday! We decided to just have our parents there so that it would be just that - an intimate thing so we don't have to invite EVERYone. And that's why we chose to still have the May wedding - so that everyone still CAN be involved and still have the big, traditional, public thing!
What a way to be welcomed in to this family - I'd be embarassed of my family if it was mine acting like this.
Nonetheless - we have made our decision and we aren't conceeding to their wishes just to appease them. We're getting married tomorrow and we'll have our big day in May. They can be there if they want and they can be a part of our lives moving forward if they want. These are the decisions that they will have to live with.
I'm just shocked.
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Color scheme!
1.25.2010
I'm a huge fan of just the classic, clean and modern feel so we're going with black & white with a spring green accent. I think it'll be nice for May and yet still formal. We'll do knee-length, black bridesmaid dresses (maybe white house black market or j crew?), black tuxes with green ties (nick with a white tie), green and white flowers, etc, etc.
Check out these inspiration pics!
Getting Married Twice
1.18.2010
So I have a confession to make...many think this is real taboo and strange and not the "right" way to do it but it is what it is...we're getting married before the wedding day.
I know right?!
It all started when Nick got laid off. There was no way he was going to be able to afford rent on his own, neither of us have a ton of money saved away for him to live on for the next few months and we really wanted to be able to put more money towards the wedding. Naturally, the next step would be for us to live together - but we have a moral issue with that before marriage, so we didn't want that. THEN I found out that my roomate is screwing me over and ending our lease on January 31st (she apparently knew about this a long time ago but failed to mention it to me until mid December - nice). So that means that both Nick and I need a new place to live on February 1. So again - living together made the most sense. So we started discussing having a quiet ceremony and getting married before the end of the month so that we could A) live together B) he could be on my health insurance since he was jobless (and even now, he doesn't get his new job's insurance for 3 months) and C) we could save lots of money in order to put towards the wedding.
So we started discussing. Of course there are the cons against this - will the wedding day still be special? will the marriage for the 4 months before the wedding be normal, special or strained? which date is the anniversary considered? who do we tell or how quiet do we keep this?
We talked and talked about it and decided it was our best option for many reasons and that the cons weren't so horrible. All in all - I'll get to marry my love twice! We want to keep it prettttty quiet so that the wedding day is still really special and people aren't snickering the whole time about how we're already married. We still definitely want the big wedding and public pronoucement of our love and marriage in front of all of our friends and family. We'll wear our wedding bands when we feel like it and take them off when we're around people (or at work) that don't know. And we'll celebrate May 29th as our anniversary.
Nick currently lives in a 1 bedroom that is much too small for us so we're transferring within his building (right down the hall!) to a 2 bedroom that is only $40 more in rent per month. Then, that lease is up June 30th and we can move into a townhome to start anew! We're totally excited to get married and then still have our nice big wedding and party. We've already got our marriage license and we're figuring out the best day for my parents to come from out of state since they want to be there - and then we'll be good. I've got a dress to wear and it'll most likely happen at the church we're gettng married at with a pastor from there, too!
I'm a little nervous about things...but I think it'll be OK...
I know right?!
It all started when Nick got laid off. There was no way he was going to be able to afford rent on his own, neither of us have a ton of money saved away for him to live on for the next few months and we really wanted to be able to put more money towards the wedding. Naturally, the next step would be for us to live together - but we have a moral issue with that before marriage, so we didn't want that. THEN I found out that my roomate is screwing me over and ending our lease on January 31st (she apparently knew about this a long time ago but failed to mention it to me until mid December - nice). So that means that both Nick and I need a new place to live on February 1. So again - living together made the most sense. So we started discussing having a quiet ceremony and getting married before the end of the month so that we could A) live together B) he could be on my health insurance since he was jobless (and even now, he doesn't get his new job's insurance for 3 months) and C) we could save lots of money in order to put towards the wedding.
So we started discussing. Of course there are the cons against this - will the wedding day still be special? will the marriage for the 4 months before the wedding be normal, special or strained? which date is the anniversary considered? who do we tell or how quiet do we keep this?
We talked and talked about it and decided it was our best option for many reasons and that the cons weren't so horrible. All in all - I'll get to marry my love twice! We want to keep it prettttty quiet so that the wedding day is still really special and people aren't snickering the whole time about how we're already married. We still definitely want the big wedding and public pronoucement of our love and marriage in front of all of our friends and family. We'll wear our wedding bands when we feel like it and take them off when we're around people (or at work) that don't know. And we'll celebrate May 29th as our anniversary.
Nick currently lives in a 1 bedroom that is much too small for us so we're transferring within his building (right down the hall!) to a 2 bedroom that is only $40 more in rent per month. Then, that lease is up June 30th and we can move into a townhome to start anew! We're totally excited to get married and then still have our nice big wedding and party. We've already got our marriage license and we're figuring out the best day for my parents to come from out of state since they want to be there - and then we'll be good. I've got a dress to wear and it'll most likely happen at the church we're gettng married at with a pastor from there, too!
I'm a little nervous about things...but I think it'll be OK...
Just Checking In
1.14.2010
Lovlies - I'm so sorry that I've been such a bad blogger. It's amazing how quickly the days and weeks pass!
GOOD NEWS - the fiance got a job! He just took an offer the other day and although it's not the most ideal job in the world, he's happy with it and it will surely do for now. I can't believe how quickly (4 weeks) it happened and we're very excited about it!
The thing with this wedding planning thing is that it's crazy! :) You can't imagine what it's like until you're here and I have to remind myself on a daily basis to slow down, smile and enjoy it while it's happening. Nick and I will have a 7 month engagment since we got engaged on Oct 30th and are getting married on May 29th. When we announced the date, a lot of married women told me "Oh, good for you! A short engagement is best. I wish I would've done that instead of driving myself crazy for an extra 6-12 months" and on and on - so I was pleased. Short engagements are the rule in my family and a lot of it has to do with the strict religious background that I come from. So it just seemed natural - and I'm fine with it because I seriously wouldn't want to wait any longer to marry that man!
But honestly - I feel SO behind ALL of the time! Every day that passes that I didn't make headway on a wedding project/thought/something I feel so guilty about. It's quite annoying, really. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, it's just that I do. I'm a very type A personality and I have a thousand lists and a thousand notes made about everything wedding related. I feel an emense need to get as much stuff done as early as I can in order to make my life easier the closer I get to the wedding.
Anyway - I need to get back to my lists....:) Updates on specific parts of the wedding to come in the next few weeks!
GOOD NEWS - the fiance got a job! He just took an offer the other day and although it's not the most ideal job in the world, he's happy with it and it will surely do for now. I can't believe how quickly (4 weeks) it happened and we're very excited about it!
The thing with this wedding planning thing is that it's crazy! :) You can't imagine what it's like until you're here and I have to remind myself on a daily basis to slow down, smile and enjoy it while it's happening. Nick and I will have a 7 month engagment since we got engaged on Oct 30th and are getting married on May 29th. When we announced the date, a lot of married women told me "Oh, good for you! A short engagement is best. I wish I would've done that instead of driving myself crazy for an extra 6-12 months" and on and on - so I was pleased. Short engagements are the rule in my family and a lot of it has to do with the strict religious background that I come from. So it just seemed natural - and I'm fine with it because I seriously wouldn't want to wait any longer to marry that man!
But honestly - I feel SO behind ALL of the time! Every day that passes that I didn't make headway on a wedding project/thought/something I feel so guilty about. It's quite annoying, really. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, it's just that I do. I'm a very type A personality and I have a thousand lists and a thousand notes made about everything wedding related. I feel an emense need to get as much stuff done as early as I can in order to make my life easier the closer I get to the wedding.
Anyway - I need to get back to my lists....:) Updates on specific parts of the wedding to come in the next few weeks!
Trying to make progress.
11.10.2009
It’s absolutely insane how quickly it goes from walking on air excitement over the engagement to needing to make decisions NOW.
A lot of the pressure I feel is because we want a short engagement. That makes me not want to waste any more day with out a deposit down and decision made on many things. So many venues and people are already booked for our timeframe – I feel the need to get a lot of things done yesterday!
So this past weekend I frantically emailed a friend of mine who is a wedding planner in Ohio to ask some advice. My main problem is finding a reception venue because it's so hard to compare apples to oranges! Everyone has different things included in their prices and I'm having a hard time keeping them all straight.
So here's what she told me - it may help someone else out!
Try and come up with a Per Person price for each venue.
Those quidelines and questions helped me think a bit more clearly - because frankly - I was bit overwhelmed with all the information!
Tricia also gave me a deadline - which was helpful. We're planning a May wedding which means I need to get moving - so I promised her I'd have my main 5 biggies in stone before Christmas - church, reception, photographer, vidoegrapher, florist, musicians. Here we go!
A lot of the pressure I feel is because we want a short engagement. That makes me not want to waste any more day with out a deposit down and decision made on many things. So many venues and people are already booked for our timeframe – I feel the need to get a lot of things done yesterday!
So this past weekend I frantically emailed a friend of mine who is a wedding planner in Ohio to ask some advice. My main problem is finding a reception venue because it's so hard to compare apples to oranges! Everyone has different things included in their prices and I'm having a hard time keeping them all straight.
So here's what she told me - it may help someone else out!
Try and come up with a Per Person price for each venue.
- So this is what you probably do need/want:
- Sit down meal - for figuring sakes, go with a simple chicken dish from each venue
- Bar - typically a 4 hour bar is plenty, bottom level
- Champagne pour - preferably for all guests
- tables/chairs
- Cake service
- Linens - most places will give you basic linens (not floor length - that is an upgrade)
- Find out what the extras are:
- what is their service charge - typically 20% of the food and beverage cost...is there any other fees associated with the service staff
- what is their tax fee
- do they have a security fee
- do they have a cake cutting fee
- What time can people come in to setup - do you have the entire day of the wedding?
- is there a bartendar fee or is that included in the bar charges?
Those quidelines and questions helped me think a bit more clearly - because frankly - I was bit overwhelmed with all the information!
Tricia also gave me a deadline - which was helpful. We're planning a May wedding which means I need to get moving - so I promised her I'd have my main 5 biggies in stone before Christmas - church, reception, photographer, vidoegrapher, florist, musicians. Here we go!
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