So - remember how we're getting married before the wedding? Well, I'm feeling really defeated over it.
We finally got final confirmation from the church and pastor on Monday and we're getting married IN TWO DAYS!! Saturday at 11am I will legally be a Mrs.!
I had already discussed this with my parents a few weeks ago - my mom had brought it up so we discussed it while Nick and I were still weighing the pros and cons. But Nick hadn't told his family yet - so once we got final confirmation, he told his parents. They were 100% supportive and understanding and loving and we were so relieved because we were a bit concerned that they might react harshly. WHEW!
But then all hell broke loose.
Nick's mother chose to go ahead and tell Nick's older sister that very night. We were planning on telling them - just on our own terms and straight from the source. She freaked out and immediately disowned him as a brother and said she would not be a bridesmaid in the May wedding any longer. She has yet to answer a call from Nick or I or respond to anything we've done to reach out to her. Apparently (through what his mother has said that his sister has said), she feels really hurt that she's not special enough to be there at the actual wedding and thinks that the wedding in May is just fake.
Awesome. clearly we're getting our point across here. /sarcasm.
So then Nick calls his brother (who found out from his sister) in order to make sure he's on board and not gone off the deep end like his sister. No such luck. He says that he "understands" and "supports our marriage" but doesn't agree with having two weddings and is upset that he can't be there on the most important day in Nick's life.
Double awesome.
Luckily, his parents aren't being swayed and they still completely understand and 100% back us up and support us. However, apparently they can't reign in their adult children and help them GET IT.
It's UNBELIEVABLE to me that these two people over the age of 30 can't think outside the box a little and show some compassion and understanding and comprehend why we've made this adult decision which is the best decision for us. We never intended to offend anyone - in fact quite the opposite - we decided to tell them instead of running off and we want to keep the May wedding in order to still have a big special day that we can involve everyone in and have a public committment ceremony and celebration. We aren't doing this to spite them - we're doing it because it's the right thing for us right now. CALL ME CRAZY IF YOU WANT!
I just feel like they're both being completely selfish in the fact that poor them - they don't get to be there this Saturday! We decided to just have our parents there so that it would be just that - an intimate thing so we don't have to invite EVERYone. And that's why we chose to still have the May wedding - so that everyone still CAN be involved and still have the big, traditional, public thing!
What a way to be welcomed in to this family - I'd be embarassed of my family if it was mine acting like this.
Nonetheless - we have made our decision and we aren't conceeding to their wishes just to appease them. We're getting married tomorrow and we'll have our big day in May. They can be there if they want and they can be a part of our lives moving forward if they want. These are the decisions that they will have to live with.
I'm just shocked.
Abigail
1.27.2010
So I haven't told you guys the full story on my daughter, Abigail.
When I was 23 and in still college, I found out I was pregnant. Knowing that I didn't have any part of my life under control at the time and after lots of researching and soul searching, I decided on an open adoption plan for my daughter. The biological father of the baby wanted nothing to do with the baby or myself, so I spent my entire pregnancy alone (I lived alone, 14 hours away from my parents), going to college and working 2 part time jobs. When I was about 8 months pregnant, I moved back to my parents house and finished college at the school my dad teaches at in town. The baby was born in February 2007 and she now lives with her adoptive family in Ohio.
This experience was something that completely changed my world and made me the person I am today. There's no way to describe it other than learning how strong you really are. The whole overriding theme of my pregnancy/adoption story is that I chose to gave life to my baby and valued her life more than mine in order to give her to a family that could take good care of her. I didn't give her up - I gave her more. I would've loved to be her mother - and I can't wait to be a mother some day - but I did what any good mother does...gave the best life I could to my child. It just didn't happen to be with me.
The real beauty here is open adoption. Adoption has changed drastically over the last decade and open adoption is a wonderful way to work with an unplanned pregnancy. I chose Abigail's adoptive parents when I was a mere 20 weeks pregnant after looking at many profiles and interviewing 3 sets of parents. They were the ones that I was most comfortable with and who I felt the best connection with. I spent a lot of time with them during my pregnancy - getting to know them and sharing my life with them. After the baby was born, I receive almost monthly updates. Lots of pictures, video, emails and phone calls. I was able to see her a few times during her first weeks of life and then I attended her baptism and have seen her one other time since then.
I definitely still have bad days where I cry about everything and am very saddened by my loss. But not near as many as I used to have - my life has moved on and I'm so grateful to still be involved the way I am. Abigail has pictures of me in her home, she knows my name and we exchange gifts and cards often throughout the year. I'm so blessed to have found such wonderful parents for her and am so happy that I get to know as much as I do about her.
When Nick and I got engaged we pretty quickly knew that we wanted to ask Abigail's parents if she could be the flower girl. We thought it would be a very special way to include her and be able to have her at the wedding. We're VERY excited about it - as are my guests! Only one of my girlfriends saw her in the hospital with me, and my family has all spent time with her - but none of my other friends or relatives have been around her. She talked to me on the phone and said she's excited to be the flower girl and wants to wear a pretty dress and a bow in her hair! Be still my heart! :)
Nick and I are going out to visit them in March in order to spend some good time with them before the wedding.
So that's the story of my very special flower girl!
If you're interested in reading more about my adoption story - I blogged throughout the whole thing at www.livejournal.com/maryiodithsbaby (it's protected - so just ask for me to add you!).
When I was 23 and in still college, I found out I was pregnant. Knowing that I didn't have any part of my life under control at the time and after lots of researching and soul searching, I decided on an open adoption plan for my daughter. The biological father of the baby wanted nothing to do with the baby or myself, so I spent my entire pregnancy alone (I lived alone, 14 hours away from my parents), going to college and working 2 part time jobs. When I was about 8 months pregnant, I moved back to my parents house and finished college at the school my dad teaches at in town. The baby was born in February 2007 and she now lives with her adoptive family in Ohio.
This experience was something that completely changed my world and made me the person I am today. There's no way to describe it other than learning how strong you really are. The whole overriding theme of my pregnancy/adoption story is that I chose to gave life to my baby and valued her life more than mine in order to give her to a family that could take good care of her. I didn't give her up - I gave her more. I would've loved to be her mother - and I can't wait to be a mother some day - but I did what any good mother does...gave the best life I could to my child. It just didn't happen to be with me.
The real beauty here is open adoption. Adoption has changed drastically over the last decade and open adoption is a wonderful way to work with an unplanned pregnancy. I chose Abigail's adoptive parents when I was a mere 20 weeks pregnant after looking at many profiles and interviewing 3 sets of parents. They were the ones that I was most comfortable with and who I felt the best connection with. I spent a lot of time with them during my pregnancy - getting to know them and sharing my life with them. After the baby was born, I receive almost monthly updates. Lots of pictures, video, emails and phone calls. I was able to see her a few times during her first weeks of life and then I attended her baptism and have seen her one other time since then.
I definitely still have bad days where I cry about everything and am very saddened by my loss. But not near as many as I used to have - my life has moved on and I'm so grateful to still be involved the way I am. Abigail has pictures of me in her home, she knows my name and we exchange gifts and cards often throughout the year. I'm so blessed to have found such wonderful parents for her and am so happy that I get to know as much as I do about her.
When Nick and I got engaged we pretty quickly knew that we wanted to ask Abigail's parents if she could be the flower girl. We thought it would be a very special way to include her and be able to have her at the wedding. We're VERY excited about it - as are my guests! Only one of my girlfriends saw her in the hospital with me, and my family has all spent time with her - but none of my other friends or relatives have been around her. She talked to me on the phone and said she's excited to be the flower girl and wants to wear a pretty dress and a bow in her hair! Be still my heart! :)
Nick and I are going out to visit them in March in order to spend some good time with them before the wedding.
So that's the story of my very special flower girl!
If you're interested in reading more about my adoption story - I blogged throughout the whole thing at www.livejournal.com/maryiodithsbaby (it's protected - so just ask for me to add you!).
Color scheme!
1.25.2010
I'm a huge fan of just the classic, clean and modern feel so we're going with black & white with a spring green accent. I think it'll be nice for May and yet still formal. We'll do knee-length, black bridesmaid dresses (maybe white house black market or j crew?), black tuxes with green ties (nick with a white tie), green and white flowers, etc, etc.
Check out these inspiration pics!
Photography
1.22.2010
Photography was the first thing we booked after booking the ceremony and reception locations. I used a service to find her since I was having a hard time finding a quality photographer within our budget.
I HIGHLY suggest using http://www.onewed.com/ as a way to find your vendors. I love the site in general - lots of good reviews and more but my favorite part is their match maker vendor service. Basically - you fill out a little form stating what kind of vendor you're looking for, when the wedding is, how much you're willing to pay and a few other details. Then, that information gets shot out to local vendors who are signed up with One Wed and they contact you back if they're willing and able to work with you!
I got about 10 responses back about photography and after looking at all of their websites and getting a feel for each of them, we intereviewed two photographers before deciding on Cheryl Neuharth Photography. Cheryl has a great eye as well as great taste. She wasn't booked for the weekend of our wedding so she gave us a great deal on her services since she understood our budget and was willing to work with us. I'm SO pleased with her work and that we were able to find a great photographer for a great price. It IS possible!! (note - I have tried this service with some other vendor categories and have received no responses - so you just have to try what you can!)
Check out some of her shots...
I HIGHLY suggest using http://www.onewed.com/ as a way to find your vendors. I love the site in general - lots of good reviews and more but my favorite part is their match maker vendor service. Basically - you fill out a little form stating what kind of vendor you're looking for, when the wedding is, how much you're willing to pay and a few other details. Then, that information gets shot out to local vendors who are signed up with One Wed and they contact you back if they're willing and able to work with you!
I got about 10 responses back about photography and after looking at all of their websites and getting a feel for each of them, we intereviewed two photographers before deciding on Cheryl Neuharth Photography. Cheryl has a great eye as well as great taste. She wasn't booked for the weekend of our wedding so she gave us a great deal on her services since she understood our budget and was willing to work with us. I'm SO pleased with her work and that we were able to find a great photographer for a great price. It IS possible!! (note - I have tried this service with some other vendor categories and have received no responses - so you just have to try what you can!)
Check out some of her shots...
Let Them Eat Cake
1.20.2010
By far, the best part of planning a wedding is cake tastings!
I'm a serious cake lover in the first place and so to get to go to taste cake for free is absolutely my dream. :)
As with most things during my wedding planning, I made a spreadsheet of all of the cake vendors in the area that I came across in my blog reading, wedding magazines and general vendor googling. I then would get a feel for them on their website, inquire about prices if they weren't listed online and narrowed my search down to 3 bakeries. We visited two and have decided which one we're going with based on price, value and customer service.
The first one we visited was Queen of Cakes (Edina, MN) and is the one we're going to book this week. We happened to go on my birthday so it was extra awesome for me! We worked with the owner, Patti, who was super sweet, understanding and generally awesome. She looked at the inspiration pictures that I had, listened to our thoughts and concerns and drew up a sketch for us. Then we got to eat cake! We sampled about 8 different flavors of cake (mmmmmmmmmmm) and about 4 different filling flavors. Our favorite were red velvet, german chocolate, marble and lemon raspberry.
We've decided to go with cupcakes and then a small two-tiered (4' and 6') for the head table. My mom actually came up with a great idea to do a cupcake stand on each table with enough cupcakes for all at the table plus a dome shaped floral arrangement on the top tier of the cupcake/dessert stand! I loved it - so we're going to have to DIY the stands (a three tiered stand like that doesn't exist, apparently) - but that's OK!
The cake at the head table will be very simple, clean and modern with white buttercream, black ribbon along the bases of the tiers and fresh green spider mums as an accent. I love the design - it's so classic and hot.
This picture best showcases the design except they will be round cakes and there won't be the dots on there.
I'm a serious cake lover in the first place and so to get to go to taste cake for free is absolutely my dream. :)
As with most things during my wedding planning, I made a spreadsheet of all of the cake vendors in the area that I came across in my blog reading, wedding magazines and general vendor googling. I then would get a feel for them on their website, inquire about prices if they weren't listed online and narrowed my search down to 3 bakeries. We visited two and have decided which one we're going with based on price, value and customer service.
The first one we visited was Queen of Cakes (Edina, MN) and is the one we're going to book this week. We happened to go on my birthday so it was extra awesome for me! We worked with the owner, Patti, who was super sweet, understanding and generally awesome. She looked at the inspiration pictures that I had, listened to our thoughts and concerns and drew up a sketch for us. Then we got to eat cake! We sampled about 8 different flavors of cake (mmmmmmmmmmm) and about 4 different filling flavors. Our favorite were red velvet, german chocolate, marble and lemon raspberry.
We've decided to go with cupcakes and then a small two-tiered (4' and 6') for the head table. My mom actually came up with a great idea to do a cupcake stand on each table with enough cupcakes for all at the table plus a dome shaped floral arrangement on the top tier of the cupcake/dessert stand! I loved it - so we're going to have to DIY the stands (a three tiered stand like that doesn't exist, apparently) - but that's OK!
The cake at the head table will be very simple, clean and modern with white buttercream, black ribbon along the bases of the tiers and fresh green spider mums as an accent. I love the design - it's so classic and hot.
This picture best showcases the design except they will be round cakes and there won't be the dots on there.
Getting Married Twice
1.18.2010
So I have a confession to make...many think this is real taboo and strange and not the "right" way to do it but it is what it is...we're getting married before the wedding day.
I know right?!
It all started when Nick got laid off. There was no way he was going to be able to afford rent on his own, neither of us have a ton of money saved away for him to live on for the next few months and we really wanted to be able to put more money towards the wedding. Naturally, the next step would be for us to live together - but we have a moral issue with that before marriage, so we didn't want that. THEN I found out that my roomate is screwing me over and ending our lease on January 31st (she apparently knew about this a long time ago but failed to mention it to me until mid December - nice). So that means that both Nick and I need a new place to live on February 1. So again - living together made the most sense. So we started discussing having a quiet ceremony and getting married before the end of the month so that we could A) live together B) he could be on my health insurance since he was jobless (and even now, he doesn't get his new job's insurance for 3 months) and C) we could save lots of money in order to put towards the wedding.
So we started discussing. Of course there are the cons against this - will the wedding day still be special? will the marriage for the 4 months before the wedding be normal, special or strained? which date is the anniversary considered? who do we tell or how quiet do we keep this?
We talked and talked about it and decided it was our best option for many reasons and that the cons weren't so horrible. All in all - I'll get to marry my love twice! We want to keep it prettttty quiet so that the wedding day is still really special and people aren't snickering the whole time about how we're already married. We still definitely want the big wedding and public pronoucement of our love and marriage in front of all of our friends and family. We'll wear our wedding bands when we feel like it and take them off when we're around people (or at work) that don't know. And we'll celebrate May 29th as our anniversary.
Nick currently lives in a 1 bedroom that is much too small for us so we're transferring within his building (right down the hall!) to a 2 bedroom that is only $40 more in rent per month. Then, that lease is up June 30th and we can move into a townhome to start anew! We're totally excited to get married and then still have our nice big wedding and party. We've already got our marriage license and we're figuring out the best day for my parents to come from out of state since they want to be there - and then we'll be good. I've got a dress to wear and it'll most likely happen at the church we're gettng married at with a pastor from there, too!
I'm a little nervous about things...but I think it'll be OK...
I know right?!
It all started when Nick got laid off. There was no way he was going to be able to afford rent on his own, neither of us have a ton of money saved away for him to live on for the next few months and we really wanted to be able to put more money towards the wedding. Naturally, the next step would be for us to live together - but we have a moral issue with that before marriage, so we didn't want that. THEN I found out that my roomate is screwing me over and ending our lease on January 31st (she apparently knew about this a long time ago but failed to mention it to me until mid December - nice). So that means that both Nick and I need a new place to live on February 1. So again - living together made the most sense. So we started discussing having a quiet ceremony and getting married before the end of the month so that we could A) live together B) he could be on my health insurance since he was jobless (and even now, he doesn't get his new job's insurance for 3 months) and C) we could save lots of money in order to put towards the wedding.
So we started discussing. Of course there are the cons against this - will the wedding day still be special? will the marriage for the 4 months before the wedding be normal, special or strained? which date is the anniversary considered? who do we tell or how quiet do we keep this?
We talked and talked about it and decided it was our best option for many reasons and that the cons weren't so horrible. All in all - I'll get to marry my love twice! We want to keep it prettttty quiet so that the wedding day is still really special and people aren't snickering the whole time about how we're already married. We still definitely want the big wedding and public pronoucement of our love and marriage in front of all of our friends and family. We'll wear our wedding bands when we feel like it and take them off when we're around people (or at work) that don't know. And we'll celebrate May 29th as our anniversary.
Nick currently lives in a 1 bedroom that is much too small for us so we're transferring within his building (right down the hall!) to a 2 bedroom that is only $40 more in rent per month. Then, that lease is up June 30th and we can move into a townhome to start anew! We're totally excited to get married and then still have our nice big wedding and party. We've already got our marriage license and we're figuring out the best day for my parents to come from out of state since they want to be there - and then we'll be good. I've got a dress to wear and it'll most likely happen at the church we're gettng married at with a pastor from there, too!
I'm a little nervous about things...but I think it'll be OK...
Just Checking In
1.14.2010
Lovlies - I'm so sorry that I've been such a bad blogger. It's amazing how quickly the days and weeks pass!
GOOD NEWS - the fiance got a job! He just took an offer the other day and although it's not the most ideal job in the world, he's happy with it and it will surely do for now. I can't believe how quickly (4 weeks) it happened and we're very excited about it!
The thing with this wedding planning thing is that it's crazy! :) You can't imagine what it's like until you're here and I have to remind myself on a daily basis to slow down, smile and enjoy it while it's happening. Nick and I will have a 7 month engagment since we got engaged on Oct 30th and are getting married on May 29th. When we announced the date, a lot of married women told me "Oh, good for you! A short engagement is best. I wish I would've done that instead of driving myself crazy for an extra 6-12 months" and on and on - so I was pleased. Short engagements are the rule in my family and a lot of it has to do with the strict religious background that I come from. So it just seemed natural - and I'm fine with it because I seriously wouldn't want to wait any longer to marry that man!
But honestly - I feel SO behind ALL of the time! Every day that passes that I didn't make headway on a wedding project/thought/something I feel so guilty about. It's quite annoying, really. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, it's just that I do. I'm a very type A personality and I have a thousand lists and a thousand notes made about everything wedding related. I feel an emense need to get as much stuff done as early as I can in order to make my life easier the closer I get to the wedding.
Anyway - I need to get back to my lists....:) Updates on specific parts of the wedding to come in the next few weeks!
GOOD NEWS - the fiance got a job! He just took an offer the other day and although it's not the most ideal job in the world, he's happy with it and it will surely do for now. I can't believe how quickly (4 weeks) it happened and we're very excited about it!
The thing with this wedding planning thing is that it's crazy! :) You can't imagine what it's like until you're here and I have to remind myself on a daily basis to slow down, smile and enjoy it while it's happening. Nick and I will have a 7 month engagment since we got engaged on Oct 30th and are getting married on May 29th. When we announced the date, a lot of married women told me "Oh, good for you! A short engagement is best. I wish I would've done that instead of driving myself crazy for an extra 6-12 months" and on and on - so I was pleased. Short engagements are the rule in my family and a lot of it has to do with the strict religious background that I come from. So it just seemed natural - and I'm fine with it because I seriously wouldn't want to wait any longer to marry that man!
But honestly - I feel SO behind ALL of the time! Every day that passes that I didn't make headway on a wedding project/thought/something I feel so guilty about. It's quite annoying, really. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, it's just that I do. I'm a very type A personality and I have a thousand lists and a thousand notes made about everything wedding related. I feel an emense need to get as much stuff done as early as I can in order to make my life easier the closer I get to the wedding.
Anyway - I need to get back to my lists....:) Updates on specific parts of the wedding to come in the next few weeks!
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